The Decision That Changed Everything
What happened when I gave myself permission to chase my publishing dreams
Ever since I was eight years old, I told people I wanted to write and become a novelist. Here I am, 35(ish) years later, and I’m finally living out that dream. So what took me so long?
If I’m being completely honest: myself.
I thought I needed to follow a certain path to be a novelist. I needed to write an incredible book, yes, but it was more than that.
I needed to find a literary agent.
I needed to go the traditional publishing path.
I needed to build an audience.
I needed to cultivate my craft.
I needed to have a career that supported my writing dreams, even if that meant working a nine-to-five that wasn’t quite what I wanted to do.
But were those ‘needs’ or were they ‘shoulds’?
About a year ago, I realized they were ‘shoulds,’ aka barriers I put in place for myself as a form of protection. Follow the advice of the professors, the gurus, the industry players, and it will all work out, and you’ll be able to publish and share your stories… eventually.
But the world is a whole lot different now. Self-publishing is bigger than ever. The internet makes it possible for anyone, anywhere, as long as they have internet and a computer, to share their ideas, thoughts, and stories (for better or worse). You want a ‘creative career’? There are boatloads of ways to do it now.
In February 2025, I was let go from a full-time job (one I loved, I might add), because of widespread budget cuts across the entire aid industry. I might have raged a bit. (Okay, more than a bit). I grieved.
But then I sat down, journaled about it, and kept circling back to my dreams of publishing: if not now, then when?
I committed to going all in on my creative writing dreams, starting with my young adult historical fantasy that just needed a bit of polishing before I hit the query trenches.
Not even four weeks later, my husband lost his job, too.
I screamed. Literally. Like, was this the universe telling me to back up and try again? Go back to the “old way” of doing things and sending out my resume like crazy?
No. I decided it wasn’t. If anything, it reminded me that absolutely nothing is guaranteed. That you can do all the “right” things, and you can still be kicked while you’re down. Some people might call it “irresponsible,” but I stopped looking for full-time work.
I returned to my freelance writing/editing, and while it took time to build back my roster of clients, I did it, including new projects with publishers like Sourcebooks. I started offering workshops. I started creating guided journals… and perhaps most importantly of all, I gave myself permission to write and submit like crazy.
Nearly a year to the day that my husband lost his job, I received an offer from Apprentice House Press to publish my book. They’re a small press, but a traditional one. I don’t have an agent. It wasn’t the “path” I had originally envisioned for myself, but it feels right.
Now, in just about a year, my debut novel will be hitting shelves. It still feels like a “pinch me” moment… but it would never have happened if I hadn’t given myself permission to go for it.
That’s why I share this story: even when the world crumbles, follow what drives you. Don’t focus on the outcome (learning to let that go could be a whole separate post). Has the last year been easy? Heck no. But sometimes you just have to choose your hard.
There is so much outside of our control. Circumstances will never be ideal or perfect… so my question to you, when you think about your own goals: if not now, then when?